Wondering..

Wondering what goes through my mind when important decisions are taken, a whole lot of change is expected in your routine, a mad rush of adrenaline, disillusionment, retrospection and insomnia is what I am facing when I pen this post in the wee hours of the morning, sitting on my bed with the continuous drone of the ceiling fan ringing in my head. All because tomorrow would be the last day at work, insignificant in the whole scheme of things happening in the universe, but one which alters what I had gotten used to for the past three years. No, I am neither being sentimental nor agnostic, but being a mere spectator of the events happening around me, created by me.

The last two days have also thrown in a lot of surprises on me - I have seen people getting sentimental, utilitarian and pragmatic all the same. I have been a witness to the "Little bird effect", events causing a multitude of thought process in the minds of many. I am appalled at the expectations that various people have of me, expectations that I might have unwittingly set, most of them too stupendous and distant for me to imagine. I have seen a large variety of emotions around me, emotions like concern, joy, sympathy, benediction, misery, jealousy, quizzical (am stuck for the right noun here), nonchalance, surprise, delight and a few other abstract noun forms that the languages are yet to quantify.

It has been days of hellos and byes bundled together in a unique fashion. No, this was not what we would have faced during our last days at high school or at college where you find alarming unity of thought and emotions. A unity that is achieved by the certainty and unbridled rectitude. If you thought emails have lost their ability to communicate emotions, believe me, it is not the case - I have had two worders to two liners which have been loaded abundantly with the intention of the writer. It makes me respect the concept of writing as a means of communication.

As I step into unemployment for the first time and into a new venture, it feels like it was ordained to be so. It would be interesting to see what happens tomorrow, it would be interesting still if nothing at all happens. I am not going to guess or predict or even offer my suggestions, for I am not a prognosticator.

If, at the end of all this, you were to ask me what sort of a state of mind that you are in - the reply would probably be "wonder".