Friday, August 24, 2007

Of infliction and Banana chips...

"Announcing...Passengers of the Z343 flight to Hyderabad, please proceed for the security check." hooted the speaker above my head waking me up from my forty winks. I was blissfully napping, dreaming about nothing in particular. But now I had a mission to accomplish... "security check in". There has never been a problem for me before with the security check-ins (Anybody but my friends would agree that I ain't a terrorist :D) . I proceeded to the counter where the inspector was frisking the passengers in a professional manner. I went up when my turn came and he frisked me asking me to empty my pockets before doing so. Done with the formalities, he wished me a very amicable good morning. But then, just when I thought that all went smooth,I saw the officers peering into my hand baggage.

I ceased thinking.... there was my precious banana chips in that which they were trying to confiscate !! I shot forward to them and pleaded to allow me carry my precious baggage along with me. The officer politely refused admission... for the first time I felt like disliking the very act of politeness. It kind of prevents you from feeling the emotions that you should have been normally feeling.. Summoning up all the credibility I had, I managed to elope with those packets so that it could at least be placed in the luggages. I ran...right upto the point where the authorities were hauling the luggages in. I told the lady monitoring the process that I wanted to add a piece of item to my luggage. Another smile... another of those fabricated emotions! Have any one of you ever smiled when denying something to somebody ??

I boarded my flight brimming with the worst emotions ever conceivable: anger and sorrow...sorrow at the loss of my chips and anger at not one in particular. I sat thinking how could one inflict a wound upon a human with a pack of chips and to my surprise, several possibilities arose...

Possibility 1:

Make a banana rifle, with a high precision digital marker which shoots out saucers of chips at a rate which can make a star wars laser gun look like a kiddo.

Possibility 2:

Make a banana chips squash with lots of honey and milk with whipped cream and pour it out in the movable boarding trolley in hope that you can trip someone off.

Possibility 3:

Ensure that you eat a couple of chips so convincingly that other get lured to say 'No one can eat just two'. make him/her eat sufficient number of packets so as to cause destructive indigestion.

Possibility 4:

Grind the chips into a fine powder and hide a broken chip in it which could possibly get struck at the worst places quite alarmingly when consumed.

Possibility 5:

Start talking about the various potential threats faced by banana chips and call for a 'save banana chips' campaign against a politician to drive him insane...

Possibility 6:

Create a java script to bombard a person with banana chips 'forwards' using blackberry and make him go crazy enough to jump out of the plane without a parachute.

Possibility 7:

Place randomly broken banana chips under the seat of the person hoping to cause imperceptible multiple micro-molecular injuries which according to the reports of the first phase of molecular nanotechnology, can prove to be fatal.

Possibility 8:

Give our "Captain" a pack of banana chips.. and the magic he would do out of that is beyond the scope of myself and my readers...

Grrrrrr.... You might have now got an analysis of the state of my mind at that point.. Believe me, given the loss of my precious chips, I could think crazier than this...Folks believe me, banana chips are more dangerous than what you could have ever imagined !!

STATUTORY WARNING : Banana chips are a serious impediment to your air travel.