Anger.. where art thou ?

"Don't you ever get angry ?" asked one of my close associates (accomplice ??). I gave yet another wry smile of mine in a cold fashion which would have even put off a wisecrack. The matter was dismissed thus with an utter disregard for the question.It was a couple of days later that I realised the question had struck a few strings within me. Something about the question disturbed me very much. It wasn't a serious impediment to my normal thought process, but it did lurk up occasionally causing some uneasiness within me.

When the frequency of this "gyan darshan" increased, I decided to sort it out once and for all. This seemingly simple remark had raised quite a few questions the answers to which wasn't as simple. I felt as if I had lost an emotion, an emotion which was quite frequent in the past. Now this part is very tricky, anger is definitely not one of the better human emotions that you would want to stick to. This is what happens when you lose something that you possessed for so long a time. The dicey part component is that you never know whether you should be happy or sad. Part of me was happy that I was oblivious to anger, while the other part was quite concerned whether I had lost the capacity to get angry...


The next few days were quite funny when I think of them now. I tried my level best to get angry at every possible opportunity. I hoped to surprise my friends with my "attitude", but I ended up surprised when they found my antics rather comical ! The more I tried to get angry, the more aware I was of my thoughts and the more I felt as if I were fabricating anger. It was pretty pathetic when you consider my attempts at getting angry. But there was definitely one thing that I gained out of this.. I could easily pretend anger with amazing ease. I was no longer artless...

Then one day it happened.. for a few moments my mind was under seizure, I couldn't think clearly, I was definitely in a different plane altogether. Some uneasiness hit me from the most unexpected quarters and brought along with it the emotion which I had lost. I was getting angry, but habits stay alive my dear; I could see and feel that I was getting angry. Well, it lasted for hardly a few seconds but again the impacts stayed long enough. For some strange reason, happiness was what I felt after that. I had not lost the capability to get angry ! Well, the next question wasn't far out there.. Does a man require negative emotions to make him complete ? Well, the search goes on.